Thursday, March 11, 2010

10 Fighting-Men, Looking For Work – More Resume Files From The Adventurer’s Guild

10 Random Fighter NPC’s For Hire. Have Sword – Will Kick Ass!

GROO 1. Zagamun of the Emerald Eye – Human. Short, bald, stout. Has an artificial, magical emerald eye. The eye will increase the value of any gems he appraises, by 10%. A no-nonsense mercenary. Likes nuts.

2. Brogimar, the Haunted – Elf. A tall, wispy fellow, Brogimar is haunted by a deceased lover. She came back from the grave, to save his life. Now, she won’t leave. Only Brogimar can see and hear her. May be a delusion. He wields a Morning-Star +1. Eats like a bird. Likes riddles.

3. Russlim – Human. A good ol’ boy. Wears piecemeal half-plate. Likes elf-chicks. Carries a Lucky Rabbits Foot, which actually does add +1 to all his rolls. Missing his two front teeth and the index of his off-hand. Doesn’t like swearing.

4. Norris, the Accursed – Human. Thinks he’s under a witch’s curse. Not really, but he suffers a –1 to all rolls, because his belief fucks with him. An Atheist. Thinks Demons run everything. Believes in Conspiracies. Likes really, greasy foods. Won’t share. Anything.

5. Sarah of the Winged Helm – Human. Wears Plate and a Huge, Winged Helm, that tend to overbalance her, detracting 1 from her armor. The Helm is cursed, so that the wearer thinks it’s a Helm of ESP. It will fill the user’s mind with all sorts of random weirdness, that other people are supposedly thinking. As a result, Sarah believes that everyone else is batshit crazy. Prone to catching colds. Likes to sing.

6. Eberor, son of Garan – Dwarf. Loud. Laughs a lot. Not a mean bone in his body. Insomniac. Wields a Two-Handed Sword named Ugly Truth, which is +1, Intelligent, Empathic. The wielder cannot lie, receives a +2 to Enchantment/Charm saves and is immune to 1st and 2nd level Illusions. Likes humans and elves, but has a hard time fully trusting them.

7. Imrie – Human. Will do whatever she has to, to survive. Leather Armor +1, which acts as a Cloak of Elven Kind. Used to work as an Assassin, but has just enough of a conscience, to lose sleep over it. A fine seamstress. Will become irrationally murderous, at the site of a bully. Not stupidly so, though. She’s not rash. A fine tactician.

8. Yurgoa, the Oath-Bound. Human. Crude fellow. Wears a Chain Shirt. Wields a Broadsword named Laughing Death, which is +2, Intelligent, Telepathic and casts Uncontrollable Laughter on a to hit roll of a True 20. Yurgoa has a wicked sense of humor, himself. Loves pranks. Sworn to avenge the death of his brother. Hates politicians and rulers of all sorts. Thinks a Theocracy is the way to go.

9. Hezzekiel – Elf. Wears black. All the time. Lawful. Think of himself as an outcast. Feels he has more in common with humans, than his own people. In love with death. Likes soliloquies, especially while standing over the body of a dying enemy. Into auto-erotic asphyxiation. Smells kinda funny. Knows everything about Undead.

10. Poppa Smiles – Human. Wears Chainmail +1. Dual-weapon fighter. Smiles. A Lot. Has some Gold Teeth. Used to be a Gladiator. Drinks. Has a vicious streak. Friendly, until he stabs you in the back or sells your ass into slavery.

19 comments:

  1. That's a fine collection of warriors!

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  2. And a fine portrait of Groo, too!

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  3. Hi Christian! Hi biopunk! MU's coming up next.

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  4. This is quite useful!
    Thanks for sharing!

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  5. These are some of the funniest NPCs I have ever seen. I almost fell out of my chair while reading the description of "Sarah of the Winged Helm".

    "Hezzekiel" was my second favorite, and, worrisomely, reminds me of a character I once played.

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  6. Howdy Brutorz Bill and Carson F. Ball! I'm happy you guys enjoyed it!

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  7. 7. Imrie FTW. :D

    Good stuff overall. :)

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  8. Hi Tim Shorts and Timeshadows! Thanks!

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  9. love these, espesh poppa smiles. I want to cuddle him. Given me the idea to start naming my PC's weapons (but I can guarantee I'll lose/break them if I do that).

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  10. Hi Dungeonmum! I started naming all magic swords, a few years ago. After reading up on OD&D, I think I'm going to have all of them be intelligent, as well. I wonder how he would sell, as a teddy bear.

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  11. Dr Rotwang! sez "Bitchin' Rad, dude".

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  12. Cool. Very useful. And nice use of Groo!

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  13. I need to try and hunt down some Groo comics. Used to have quite a few. The one that I remember best, was the issue where a town hears that Groo is coming and the ensuing panic, economic meltdown, etc., ends up destroying the place.

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  14. Groo is great. I think Dark Hourse may have done a couple of collections of the hold Epic stuff.

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  15. Dark Horse, eh? Thanks for that, Trey. I'll check it out!

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